I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
