I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
