I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
