someone threw a dead crab at me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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