apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
