That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
