Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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