i barfeds in our rink
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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