no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
