I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
