Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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