All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
