I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
