Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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