I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
