I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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