did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
