Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
