My nipple is on Facebook.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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