you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
