i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
zippers are such a cool invention
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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