Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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