So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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