Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
