So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
