Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think I died a long time ago.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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