Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
