If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
