i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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