we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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