2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
