She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
