did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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