There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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