He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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