Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
