Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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