dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
