She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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