I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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