Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
