If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
