Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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