you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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