Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
