I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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