The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
