then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
