my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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