omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
