but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
