Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
