update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
